love the way you lie

i have an issue with trust despite all you did even now im afraid of trusting you comletely. no.. maybe the real reason is because i dont want to give you everything and lay down all my trust or its going to suffocate me. on the other hand i tend to destroy the people closest to me. and not that i want to destroy you cuz i want to be free. im the type that wants to push you away and yet make sure youre the closest thing to me. both ideas disgusts me and i dont really know what i want.

truthfully you knowing about me more than the average person makes me uncomfortable. it drives me nuts actually. i need space and at the same time i need close proximity. i guess what i really need is flexibility. can you handle that ? do i even want you to ? when i see you put in the effort for me, i feel bad. cuz i cant give you the same. the closer you get to me the more id want you and yet want to destroy you even more. can you find me ?

just gonna stand there and watch me burn.
but thats alright because i like the way it hurts
just gonna stand there and hear me cry
but thats alright because i like the way you lie

its still nice knowing you care. thank you :)

twenty-double-onee

you'd think this post would be on new year's resolutions right ? but no, i've given up on those things LOL screeew thaaaat. never stays and works. they practically dont exist. who even remembers them anyway ?
i guess the things i'd like to work on would be keeping myself calm and collected with a strong set of mind on my destination and to be on schedule, no more slacking. but then thats something i've been working on since ever hahaha but with next semester i'd practially be a senior so i really need to pull up my game.

on another note, its january, and.. it is pouring outside :$ no, not snow. RAIN. 비. and i live in canada, not south america. so why ? why ? there's not even snow on the ground. did God accidentally thought it was spring already with the new years ? O_O

anyways, i have a good feeling about this year. the fact that i woke up feeling great today despite going to sleep with a migraine. im on good terms with my familiy today too. the mental guy in our house is outta my life. and i ate a healthy jewish breakfast. and and and 재천수호민's all coming back. im so excited. seriously can't wait for the new music essay and keep your head down. yaay ! and not to mention, 재.엘르 went and got me the beginning all the way from Korea ! love her. i think she's coming back today. wishing her a safe trip as always~!

i keep saying this but its never really been done, but i really need to go to a church soon. been meaning to but theres just none near me so it makes it even less motivated haha. but soon, I will go visit Your House soon, Father :)


Happy New Year Everyone !!




Please God, bless the world with happiness for this new year. Let there be no war, no hate but peace and love. Let us move into the new year with a joyful, helping heart so that there would be no more despair and darkness.

In Jesus' name, I pray
Amen


-gift pt.1 : park hyoshin (박효신)